It has come to my attention that I crush easily. Not physically, though I assume that is also true – my bones don’t seem like they are that sturdy. What I mean is that I decide I have a crush on the closest girl who will listen to my stories and laugh at the correct time, while being able to retort with silly self deprecation. Unlike most people who fall quickly into love, I am very scared of the exact term I’m finding myself falling into. Therefore I fall into … like like.
I miss when we got to say that we like liked someone. That term described what I felt. Now we have to go balls out and say that we l-ve them. Why do I hate this word so much? Nobody understand the definition of love. This is proved by Wikipedia. This is probably my favorite article of all time in any sort. My favorite sentence being: “Because of the complex and abstract nature of love, discourse on love is commonly reduced to a thought-terminating cliché.”
This is why I’m able to get over these “crushes” quickly and move on to the next girl who talks to me about media representation of … of anything. I think this is why my closest group of friends is usually guys. Sure, I typically have a half dozen girls that I am very close with in a beginning of a teen movie sorta way, but I’m always surrounded by dudes playing video games. I think if I surrounded myself with women I would end up having fleeting crushes on all of them. I already do, but at least when I don’t spend my entire existence around them, I don’t have to entertain my romantic fantasies – instead I can shut down my constantly crushing brain and lust after Super Smash Bros. and Beer Pong.
One of my half dozen once said: “I usually hang around with a bunch of guys, but I hate those girls that don’t have female friends.” There is a growing sect of men who do the opposite. Guys who hang out with only girls because they are “in touch with their feminine side.” As someone who has had multiple dreams where I’ve had a vagina and loved the shit out of it, let me be the first to tell you that they are not at all in touch with their feminine side. They are simply hooked on the drug that is gaining crushes, and they constantly need a fix so they surround themselves with possible romantic fantasies. Then they admit they love one of them that they think they have a chance with and hopefully the teen movie ends with a happy montage. Or there are the guys that only chill with dudes and then they finally find that girl that can “break” them and they admit they love them through broken stammery earnest sentences. Or there is the guy who is always in a relationship and tells a girl he loves her in the first month, and once he breaks her heart he finds someone else to confess love to.
This is love. This is what love is to most people. Love is simply whatever image they desire to embody, they’ve just decided to nickname it love. I don’t want to come to the conclusion that I’ve gotten what I wanted because then I’d have nothing to strive for. And that’d be depressing if I had achieved my desires. Instead I’ll just keep maintaining week long crushes and telling the guy in the mirror that I love him.