Indignant, My favorites, Pathetic

Why capatlism seems like a lot of work

Two things have had a huge affect on me recently. I got rejected from sperm donation, and the BET awards were sponsored by KFC.

I got a very cordial letter about how I was rejected because I was too diseased and I wasn’t unique enough. My mom still says I’m special and healthy, so don’t worry about my self-esteem. They did offer me the option of recruiting sperm donations, so I applied to do that. I can’t wait to get rejected from asking others to cum into a cup!

The reason I lump my jizz-rejection with BET’s sponsorship by KFC is because I believe they both symbolize how steeped in stereotyping our society is. When I was channel surfing at my friend’s house while they made themselves dinner for both of us I paused for a second when I saw Magic Johnson talking behind a podium about how much and how little electing a Black president really means. He made some interesting points about how, while this is a huge step – something we can be very proud of – it is also a call to action for the rest of the African American community to not sit idly by hoping that this will change everything. After he finished his speech, I turned to my friend made some crack about his AIDS because I’d rather state something offensive for comedic effect than state something meaningful for thought provoking effect, and then turned back to the TV to hear a stereotypical gangstah rapper voice boldly proclaim: “This BET awards ceremony is brought to you by the delicious taste of KFC. Life tastes better with racism.” I think they may have said KFC instead of racism, but they both mean the same thing, so whatevs.

Of course this is simply capitalism, and capitalism is just a fancy word for “Let’s Stereotype.” Obviously if KFC can convince a race of people that the rest of that race of people all like fried chicken, then they are going to make a bootyload of money. So I can’t blame them for attempting to push a stereotype that already exists to its limit in order to bling-bling it up, and I can’t really blame BET for taking on the sponsorship that offered them the most cash-money, but I can blame our capitalist society for not allowing me to blame either of these organizations.

I can also blame our capitalist society for not giving me a thousand dollars to crank one out into a Dixie cup. The reason I didn’t get accepted is because I don’t have a job like Lawyer, or Doctor, or food service attendant. The reason I didn’t get accepted is because my Grandmother had Alzheimer’s. The reason I didn’t get accepted is because I weight 125 lbs and am 5’9”. I can’t blame the sperm bank for not accepting me; they wouldn’t be able to sell me. I don’t care how barren you are, no woman looks at a doctor and says: “pump me full of the semen of that unemployed scrawny fucktard with the crazy grandma.” But in reality, I’m quite the … ok, so maybe stereotyping works sometime. As much as I’d love to see a school full of Nisse’s playing in the playground by counting the rocks and talking to themselves, I don’t think that if we put it to a vote a majority of people would choose that as our next generation. And in a democracy, Nisse always loses.

I wish I had lived in a socialist dictatorship. Then KFC would be sponsoring VH1’s awards for best 80s hair band hosted by Michael Ian Black, and I would get to impregnate some people. That’s it – capitalism is the reason I can’t get laid. Fuck capitalism.


4 thoughts on “Why capatlism seems like a lot of work

  1. Moey. says:

    Hey Nisse! It’s Maddi/Moey! Hannah’s friend! I know we only met a few times, but you keep setting your status as a link to this and I thought you were a pretty cool guy and I find your musings amusing. I hope its not weird if I read/comment. (would it be weirder to read and not comment? because then its like i’m just stalking you! Maybe I am!)

    I’d like to copy and paste something that is below your post right now:

    Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

    * Actor gives a slice of real life in the hood
    * Kelly Clarkson Gets What She Wants
    * The bullying of Wendy Portillo
    * Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Fairly Memorable


    Anyways, sorry you weren’t deemed good enough to reproduce.


  2. wes says:

    I also got rejected for selling my future children.

    I decided that it was because I was too honest. I’ve realized that what they really want you to do is lie, so that they can sell your sperm to people and tell them that you are amazing.

    The same is true for integrity tests. You are supposed to shamelessly lie on every single question. Obviously someone who lacks integrity will not mind lying on on an integrity test…Isn’t that evidence enough? Interviewers either don’t care or don’t realize that they are getting fed loads of bullshit.

    Where does that leave the honest people? Sitting at home, masturbating for free.

    • h2money says:

      I agree Wes! I will from now on refer to this comment people ask me why I am sitting at home, masturbating in order to say: “Yes I may jerking off on my bed, but at least I’m honest!”

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