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Why my mom seems like a lot of work

My mother hates my blog. She hates it because she loves me, and she loves the world. We don’t see eye to eye on either of these points. I hate both of these things. I also love my blog. So, we have different opinions.

Yesterday she asked me why I had to be so negative all the time. I responded: “Because it’s funny. And I’m much more interested in making others laugh than making others smile.” I think of it as being similar to wanting world peace as opposed to stopping one Darfurian child from getting murdered. Sure the latter is easier, but the former is nobler.

Today, I will take the opposite path though. I will attempt to stop that one Darfurian child from having his throat slit – just for you, mom. This entry will not be ranting about what I find distasteful, offensive, and cringe-inducing. Rather, today’s entry will be an explanation of what I find fun, uplifting, and smile-inducing.

This morning I woke up to birds chirping at my window. I look at this as nature’s gentler alternative to the alarm clock – calmly rising you from your slumber with a sweet melody. I rolled out of my queen size bed that my parents have so generously provided for me to rest my weary head on to come face to face with a digital representation of what the birds had already told me – it was 11:30. On the dot!

I have to work tonight, so I wanted to make sure everything that I needed to do was done before I left at 6:45. I made a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I served with some homemade nachos. I know that they don’t quite go together, but I like both of them so much! After enjoying my mismatched brunch with a healthy dose of daytime television – not the best in the world, but still quite entertaining – I can’t complain, I skipped over to my computer to do my daily email check and maybe look for a few employment opportunities in the beautiful city of New York.

Digression alert! I am sooooo excited to go to New York. I will be living in the most lively city in the world, with some of the most exciting people in the world! Every day there will be a new activity that I could enjoy, and every night will afford me a new adventure. I can’t wait to take a bite out of that big ole’ apple. Don’t get be wrong, it’s beautiful here in Maine. The constant solitude allows me to collect my thoughts, hear the sounds of the world, and generally stop worrying about the world around me.

Back to my day. My attempts to enjoy the wonders of the internet were thwarted by the rain. You see, in rural Maine when it rains we lose our connection to the internet because our satellite dish can’t function through water particles. “Perfect!” I thought, without a tinge of sarcasm. Now I get to enjoy the beautiful Maine wildlife that millions of people come thousands of miles to see every summer. I could go into the national park, I could hike a mountain, or I could just go in my back yard. I chose the last option because, why do extra work to enjoy what I could enjoy only minutes from my bathroom.

No matter that the clouds saw fit to coat my world in a drizzly layer of cold wetness, the world was my oyster and I was the pearl that would beautify that which was already sparkling with joy. It reminded me of a comedy show I saw the night before. The woman performing was a local celebrity that I found quite unfunny, but the sight of people laughing was enough to make me smile. Smile a big smile that said: “Hello world, I’m ready to be a functioning member of you. A member of you that will hopefully help you glow as much as you’ve helped me glow.”

Forcing me to write that was like coating a sweet-tart in molasses, sprinkling that with a pixie stick and then force feeding that to a diabetic. You happy, mom?


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