My students are on the verge of rehearsing for their near-improvised play where they will each be playing an archetype that I have assigned to them. Most are finding some really interesting subtleties in the way their archetype is portrayed, though they all still think that “The Girly Guy/Somewhat Comfortable Heterosexual” is gay, even though he is the only character that cannot be gay and the five broiest members of my class constantly prove my point about the “The Perfect Girl” by ranting about how hot Megan Fox is. I ended up talking for 20 minutes about social constructs to 10 year olds in an attempt to explain why they thought that Megan Fox was the hottest person in the world, to which they responded: “Maxim said it, though, so it must be true.” Only furthering my point, but also illustrating that my point was being told to deaf ears – or at least ears of a child who does not have the proper educational background to understand what a social construct is.

This leads me to my experiment in how we fit into our social constructs. Here are the results:

What archetype does my audience relate to:

1. The Somewhat Comfortable Heterosexual (27%), 2. The Brainy Girl, The Neurotic, The Absurdist (23%) – Interestingly, #1 is the one I hate that I relate to, and #2 are the one I want to fuck, relate to most, and want to relate to most. Once again, my desires are just barely outplayed by my hatred.

What Archetype does my audience relate to least:

1. The Psychotic (23%), 2. The Perfect Girl, The Monster with a Heart of Gold, The Silent Gag (18%) – Only “The Perfect Girl” was picked more than once as an archetype that people related to most also. Interesting that “The Psychotic” was picked so often considering that I think of it as an extreme version of “The Neurotic.”

Which archetype does my audience desire to fuck:

1. The Brainy Girl (41%), 2. The Perfect Girl (27%), 3. The Bitch (18%) – Heterosexual men are predictable and have fewer options to pick for archetypes to fuck.

Which archetype does my audience want to fuck least:

1. The Male (32%), 2. The Grumpy Ole’ Person (27%), 3. The Arrogant Idiot (23%) – I guess my viewers don’t like confident people. That makes sense. Though, come on, I’d totally go down on the grumpy ole person as long as they weren’t actually old – they’d get so awkward about whether or not to enjoy the head they were receiving.

Which archetype does my audience wish it was more of:

1. The Absurdist (32%), 2. The Witty (23%), 3. The Indignant, The Maverick, The Omnipotent (18%) – Everyone wants more than anything to make others laugh. My audience is mostly smart and therefore wants to be “The Absurdist,” but there are still some stupid people who want to be witty, then the left overs are either to shy, to much of a pussy, or making a joke about the way my poll is set up. Good job people who answered “The Omnipotent,” you have figured out a way around answering my question truthfully. You are the biggest pussies of them all.

Which archetype does my audience wish they were less of:

1. The Awkward (36%), 2. The Neurotic (27%) – COME ON! Embrace that shit, people! This was the most dissapointing answer to me.

Which archetype is my audience best at playing on stage:

1. The Lovable Dope, The Sleazy Expert (18%), 2. The Witty, The Curious Innocent, The Arrogant Idiot, The Dumb Rich/Popular (14%) – This one is too all over the place to analyze, but that says something in and of itself. People can play anything on stage no matter who they are!!!!!

Which archetype does my audience relate to a surprisingly amount:

1. The Sleazy Expert (18%), 2. The Male, The Somewhat Comfortable Heterosexual, The Curious Innocent (14%) – Again all over the place, but similar choices to what you guys can play on stage. Interesting.

Four people understood how to fill out my last question, so I have no interesting results there except the person who asked the question: Which archetype’s blog do you want to read the most with the answers: The Neurotic, The Indignant, and The Somewhat Comfortable Heterosexual. Thanks whoever that was. You win the award for most flattering person. (I think it was Liz)

Here are some interesting correlations:

Relate to Most correlates strongest with Best at Playing on Stage, then Wish You Were Less Of. – Both make too much sense to analyze.

Relate to Least correlates strongest with Desire to Fuck the Least. – People are scared to fuck the unknown.

Desire to Fuck correlates strongest with Wish You Were More of – People that read my blog think that by fucking someone they can take on their personality.

Desire to Fuck the Least correlates strongest with Relate to Least – Already explained.

Wish You Were More of correlates strongest with Desire to Fuck – Already explained.

Wish You Were Less of correlates strongest with Relate to Most – You have to be a lot of something before you hate yourself for being that.

Best at Playing on stage correlates strongest with Relate to Most and then Desire to Fuck – Because we try to be what we want to fuck, but end up only playing ourselves. Except some lucky people.

No strong correlation between Relate to Surprising Amount and anything else.

The person whose answers are closest to mine: With 8 shared answers -the person who played “Fuck, Chuck or Marry” on my make-up-your-own question and answered “The Neurotic,” (PS. You can fuck, chuck or marry me all you want) followed closely (with 7 shared answers) by the person who suggested the question “Which archetype do you have as a friend but don’t like that part of them?” and answered “The Brat.” Paul was third with 5 shared answers for all of you who were wondering.

The person whose answers made me want to get to know them biblically with my penis was the person who suggested the question “Which archetype do I think is missing a similar-but-different female counterpart?” with the answer “The Male.” They also said they related to that, The Perfect Girl, and the Brainy Girl. So, if you ever find your way over to Maine, plan on rejecting my advances.

The person who wants to fuck me the most: No one picked “The Indignant” as people they wanted to fuck and only two people picked “The Neurotic.” One of those people picked “The Awkward” which was not on my top three, but probably would be #4. That person also is the person who relates to me the most. I guess I want to fuck myself. No surprise there.

If you have won any awards during this blog entry, go ahead and claim them. I’ll send you something pretty.

EDIT:

I’ve done a weighted score to determine who is most like me using my top 10 answers and a arbitrary and complex formula.

Here are the results: The person who is most like me is now the person with “The Brat” answer as their made up question. The person who is second most like me is the “Fuck Chuck or Marry” person. The person who is third most like me is Lara.

The person who is least like me is the person who attempted to flatter me with their made up answer. The person who is second least like me is the person who created the archetype: “The Wannabe Pornstar.” The person who is third least like me is the person who answered first and didn’t understand the make up question and just answered “The Absurdist.”

The person who wants to fuck me the most is “Fuck, Chuck, or Marry”, with a close second of the mystery guy who wrote “The Brat” answer.

The person who I want to fuck most is in the same order with the “Fuck, Chuck, or Marry” relating most to my top three choices of what I’d like to fuck, “The Brat” guy getting my second, third and forth, and Lara getting my 1st, 2nd, and 9th.