My Three Motivators

I lost my writing composition notebook. It had only 20 pages left in it and contained my entire New York adventures. Sure I had copied down anything worthwhile onto my computer, but the tangible copy of paper and written word is something different.

At 3am I woke up with an unbearable pain in my ear and an inability to pop it. I still haven’t popped my ear and my irrational fear of things crawling into my brain while I’m asleep is kicking in.

My roommate bought safflower oil. I’ve been meaning to buy oil for the past week because we share oil, but I keep forgetting. Now he bought oil and I have to find a different way to pay him back. And I don’t like talking to him.

I am nostalgic, fearful, and guilty. These are the only three emotions I feel. These are what drives me to do the things I do. Each day I could break down every one of my decisions to being attributed to one of these three forces.

I lied. There is one bigger force that drives me stronger than guilt, fear or nostalgia. That is laziness. I’m not going to do anything to pay back my roommate. I’m going to hope that my ear issues just disappear on their own. I’m done looking for my composition notebook. I’ll get a new one soon. In the meantime I’ll cry in my bed.


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