I went outside today only when the moon was there to accompany me.

I like these days because they allow me to avoid talk of the weather. Weather is a boring subject. Discussion of the sun’s ability to shine are always dull. Instead I get to brag about how I have no idea what the weather was like today because in my dungeon apartment I didn’t even see the outside world. I avoided eye contact with the window when I scurried across my living room in order to check my laundry’s status. Instead of going back and forth with a preprogrammed conversation containing sentences like: “Yeah, it is chilly” or “It wasn’t that bad,” I get to brag about how lazy I am.

This is something I very much enjoy. Avoiding boredom through self deprecation is a good way to sum up my goals in life. I think this is why I constantly rely on analysis of my flaws in order to spice up conversation. My flaws are plentiful and interesting. My flaws are layered. My flaws are worrisome, hypocritical, but most of all interesting. To all.

So, let’s talk about me and how much I suck because you’ll never be forced to say “Well, I hope your inability to attract women warms up tomorrow.”