I love standing in front of people I hate.

Especially people on dates.

Especially guys who are trying to impress the girl they are on a date with.

Especially guys who have no overarching goals in life so they feel a constant need to defend their life choices while they simultaneously attempt to impress the girl they are on a date with.

Especially guys who are jealous of performers who have that overarching goal in life because they assume that since performers are just talking on stage and they themselves have the ability to talk and to stand that they should also be able to do what those performers do, but the only thing stopping them is that they don’t have a big enough ego to go on stage, and since they have no overarching goals in life they feel a constant need to defend their life choices, typically resorting to some form of bragging about their financial success which simultaneously serves to impress the girl they are on a date with.

I guess what I’m saying is: I love waiting in line at The Moth.

I love listening to people tell others that what they are about to say is funny.

I love people who spend 15 minutes explaining a person who works at the office who could have been sufficiently described as “obnoxious.”

I love people who add addendums of “but I love him” to all of their somewhat disparaging remarks because they are frightened of losing the few friends that they have.

I love people who laugh out loud at other people’s stories at jokes that are only midway through the story because the abrupt force of laughter causes the storyteller to stop talking just enough that the laugher can interrupt with some uninteresting tidbit about themselves.

I love people I hate. They cause me to remember how amazing I am.