Death, Lazy


My toilet is broken in that it refuses to drain water out of it. In the 9 months I’ve lived in this apartment, we’ve been flooded 5 times – 3 of them with sewage. I’m leaving next month, as are my roommates (to different places) and we’ve given up trying to fix the constant barrage of water related problems, so we now use our toilet like a pee holding bucket. If I have to take a shit, I go to a local restaurant. This morning I pissed into the shower and then took a shower just to clean that up.

I better not die soon.

I can’t be at this point in my life when it ends. This is the part that I get to reminisce about. I need time to reminisce. Right now I am too close to my terrible life to laugh about it. I want to laugh about it. Since I always assume the worst, I also assume that I am going to die today which means that I either have to change the way my life is run so that I begin reminiscing soon, or I can just reminisce while doing these awful things. Option 2 is easier.

This is what the future-past is. The future-past is living your life so that in the future you can look on your past fondly. It is not about doing the thing that is most enjoyable at the moment, in fact it typically is the opposite because the most interesting moments of your life to look back on are usually the worst. I’m just so good at living in the future-past that I can do it all in one moment. I think this is what blogging has done to people like me. I can tell a story about how I piss in my shower and poop in restaurants and that makes it okay that I do those things because at least I’m capitalizing on that shit right away. It’s like instant-memoirs. You get to live both the terrible life that caused your memoirs to be interesting and the good life of writing about your life for others simultaneously. Living in the future-past means you are constantly stuck in the present.

Did that blow your mind?

It didn’t blow mine either. I’m just so scared of death that I try to live all parts of my life at once. I guess that’s why I have three jobs and just applied to two more, but I won’t work at any of them more than 18 hrs a week.


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