Playing early 90s racing video games where chunks of meat hit your windshield when you drive into an animal (like a dinosaur) in a laundromat on my birthday.

That’s unfortunately 157 characters so twitter would not allow that to be my status, but it is my status in terms of what status technically means. This is one thousand times better than my last birthday when I had one friend and we went to a whiskey bar and forced ourselves to “hit on girls.” By which I mean we started by offering to not by some girls drinks because of both our belief in gender equality and our other belief in not spending the little money we had.

The birthday before that was spent uncomfortably implying to a girl that she should have samurai training videos at home.

I’m gonna try to not think I should have birthday sex today. It only causes problems, but I also am faced with the fact that I’m another year older and have still had way less sex than I would like to be true.