It’s not that I think desperation is sexy, it’s that I can’t imagine anything sexier than desperation. Desperation has been perceived as ugly by people because they think: “if someone wants me real bad than I must be better than them.” This implies a hierarchy – a ladder of social importance. I don’t believe in ladders. I climb houses with my hands and feet.

Because I believe we are all a part of some sexual/societal plane without order there is no “better” or “worse,” and if there is no better or worse, desperation towards me just means an intense love of me, which means we share my favorite interest, which makes them sexy.

When okcupid or match.com do compatibility tests they make sure that the two people have similar interests and my favorite interest is me. They make suer you wanna talk about the same thing, and I wanna talk about me. It just makes sense. If they really like me it means that they have really great taste – and I can respect that.

So if I can’t say “no,” how come I don’t get pussy-jiggy all the time?

Because I say shit like this, and I look like this: