I left my window open because it was hot. And humid. And I haven’t taken out my laundry in a while.

At 3:44 am I woke up even hotter. I was burning. I was itching and burning because I had just had a mass of mosquitoes attack the entirety of my skin. As I slapped my ears and face in attempts to slap the miniature fans that were buzzing in my eardrums, I realized I wasn’t getting back to sleep.

Above my head was the last couple spoonfuls of chocolate jalepeno ice cream melting in it’s pint container and a drink I had tried to cool down with a popsicle. I didn’t have any ice cubes, nor any refrigerated drinks so after making my Emergen-C with luke-cold water, I threw an open popsicle in it. It was gross and I didn’t finish drinking it. Now I had two gross decisions reminding me of my failure at life resting above my head.

I switched sides of the bed.

That didn’t help with the itching and the scratching.

I needed to get cooler.

I stumbled out of my room toward the bathroom and turned on the bathtub faucet. On cold. It was very loud. I use the word “very” despite its lack of detail because it wasn’t anything besides loud, it was just a lot of it. I couldn’t hear anything else, but that was nice because all I could hear before was the sound of insects looking for my blood.

I slowly let myself down into the ice water bath that was draining out because our bathtub drain doesn’t work that well. It was very cold. I shivered. I let my sack shrivel up into my body. I let my dick scream out that I was torturing it. I let my knees shiver together. I let my back and neck be released from the torture that was the heated bumps of itchiness that had become my life for the past 13 minutes.

I had substituted heat pain for cold pain, and I was very happy and I fell asleep.

Why isn’t it winter yet?