On the back of my seat on this Iceland Air flight to Stockholm it says: “Good Night is ‘góða nótt’ in Icelandic. It has a soft and cuddly sound.”

This is not a reasonable thing to say, and definitely not a reasonable thing to write.This is subjective. It is a subjective thing to say about words. It also means nothing to me. Unless góða nótt is pronounced oooohawwnomnomsmawwow, I don’t understand what this means.

Let’s all get distracted by the couple next to me whose actions could be described as similar to the sounds of good night in Icelandic. Airplanes are the only time I want a girlfriend (even when I have a girlfriend). Two people in two seats with two armrests is way more comfy than two people in two seats with three armrests. Of course it’s not only the armrest that separates you from the stranger laughing uncomfortably loud at Fools Gold starring Owen Wilson. I always force myself to lean as far away as I can from my neighbor in an attempt to distance myself emotionally from the mouthbreathing moron ordering Jack Daniels and reading a paperback cookbook.

If I had a girlfriend I could sleep on her shoulder drooling on her open copy of a book I lent her while demanding that she borrow my headphones to listen to “this Robyn song” and “this Robyn song.”

Sometimes i think i just want a younger version of myself to convince to grow up earlier.

Sometimes I ant something soft and cuddly.

Those time only occur when I’m 3000 feet in the air listening to the very un-soft and un-cuddly sound of my ears popping every 10 seconds. In other words: Hate, disgust, and discomfort drives me to relationships.