Depressed, Lazy, Nostalgia

Why being a son seems like a lot of work

The other day my mom told me that she was on the internet replying to emails and after 45 minutes she felt so claustrophobic and anxious to get up and do something that she just left mid-email and took a walk with her horse and dog. Sometimes I wonder how I popped out of that vagina (Sorry mom for referring to your reproductive organs on the internet). Here is the list of things I do to start out every Wednesday:

1) Daily tasks – check emails, check fantasy basketball teams, play my turn in scrabble, look at facebook [1.5 hours]

2) Watch Tuesday’s TV shows – Fringe, Daily Show, Colbert Report, Scrubs [3 hours]

3) Shower and eat – Peanut butter and Nutella Sandwich or microwaved cheese quesadilla [20 minutes]

Usually at this point in the day it’s time to run to catch the bus that goes to the first student I tutor, but today I got a call from the mother of my kid telling me that their whole family was sick and that I shouldn’t come. My first thought when I hung up the phone was how brilliant my day was going to be because I didn’t have to rush my day along. I hopped back in bed and hunched over my laptop for some more super interesting adventures on the internet.

One thing I discovered was this fabulous blogsite. So I spent the next two hours transferring everything from my Google blog over to my WordPress blog and then customizing my new website. The reason I decided the switch was necessary was that WordPress offers the admin more detailed statistics of his/her viewers – ironic considering it’s Google that always gets shit for breaching privacy.

The second thing I discovered was through my daily Wikipediadventure. Every day I go to Wikipedia and click on the random article. Today’s random article was Gondour – a fictional world created by Mark Twain where each citizen gets at least one vote, but can gain more through education which is offered in a very socialist manner. Also, in this world, public office can only be held by people who pass a series of rigorous tests. This reminded me of the fictional world I had worked on… and not finished. Mine was a fictional Pangaea where each country represented a different friend in my group of dudes (non-gender-specific term). Each country’s government, culture, and resources served as metaphors for their personality.

In my country, The Sovereign States of Ericson, warring sects of the same religion had divided the country for years until one battle royale at city center ended before it started when one of the soldiers of the Theatrie Army stepped on a rusty nail and started bleeding. People from each of the sects – Mathalics, Comediers, Youngins, Theatries, and Jews – came to help the bloody soldier and, grossed out by the sight of blood, came to a peace treaty that involved portioning of land for each faction and building walls between the states. In this imagined history, the walls were barely started, let alone finished, and to this day there are small, messy remnants of brick and clay along each of the borders.

I created maps of this land and flags and stories of independence for each country. I was halfway done with descriptions of the current governmental rule when I started working on creating a school with each of my friends as a teacher. I had blueprints of the school, class schedules, class requirements, and extracurricular activities all planned out when I started working on this blog. I guess we’ll just have to wait to find out what activity forces me away from this bi-daily writing exercise. Hopefully it’s a job.

Here is a list of other things on my computer that are less then half finished – things that I thought would be my ticket to doing something with my life.

1) A sitcom

2) Software to analyze different country’s demographics

3) A sketch show

4) New state borders of the USA with different names and histories

5) A movie

6) Trivia questions for a weekly trivia

7) A novel

8 ) Imagined subway maps for Minneapolis/St. Paul

All of these sit collecting metaphorical dust on my laptop as I search random articles on Wikipedia. Though I would love to live in Mark Twain’s fictional world of Gondour because my graduation from a prestigious private liberal arts school would score me some votes and possibly some chicks, and my ability to take tests would be a huge pull in the job search, I’m not sure I agree with the principles. In this world the leaders would be writing egotistical ramblings on the internet, while the people who can’t spend an hour on the internet because of a lack of productivity, like my mother – who went to a community college and speaks English as a second language – would be our lower class. That doesn’t seem fair. But it does seem fun. At least then my mom wouldn’t be so disappointed in me.


One thought on “Why being a son seems like a lot of work

  1. Pingback: Why H2$ seems like a lot of work « what it be, Bitches!

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