I’m not in good shape. I played basketball yesterday and almost threw up and passed out twice. Maybe it was the fact that I had just eaten a Strawberry Cheesequake/Cookie Dough Blizzard, but I think it had more to do with the fact that I haven’t moved at a faster pace than a brisk walk in months. The first time I went up for a layup, I also started seeing tunnel vision and hearing a ringing sound in my ears. Not a good sign.
After that incident I thought about maybe trying to exercise more often. So, I drove the three blocks home from the gym watching all the super-humans who were jogging through the streets. I don’t get jogging. I’m all about doing stuff that involves not going anywhere, but when not going anywhere involves tight fitting pants that aren’t made of leather, and owning an i-pod, I am no longer down.
The other thing I re-realized in my drive home was my hatred for holidays. I’ve always had a problem with the idea of planning to have fun on specific days of the year. I try to have fun on all days of the year, at all hours of the day – that’s why I don’t jog. Nothing illustrates the forced enjoyment that makes me so anti-holiday better than St. Paul on St. Patty’s. As I watched middle aged couples walk hand in hand to O’Gara’s pub for a day of “crazy, earlier than usual drinking” with their gentle smirks as they worried that other pedestrians were judging them because they had decided to wear a bowler cap and a green jersey in an attempt to be wacky but instead were coming off too wacky, I felt like vomiting. That might have been the Cheesequake and cookie dough combination fighting with my body for exerting itself physically, but either way hurling was on my mind and I think it’s correlated to holiday celebration.
My abhorrence with holidays has led me to have a strong prejudice against anyone who says they love Halloween, or Christmas, or Valentines Day, or Easter, or Kwanza. (I don’t have a problem with birthdays, but I think that’s because I love myself, and any holiday that allows me to celebrate me is going to turn me on a little.) But holiday celebrators aren’t the only ones I have prejudices against.
Here’s a list (in order) of my top ten groups of people I have prejudices against:
1) The rich
2) The pretty
3) People who celebrate holidays
4) People who have sex regularly
5) Tall people
6) People who own “Will and Grace” on DVD
7) People who own “Friends” on DVD
8 ) Athletes
9) People with “Emotional problems”
10) People in long term relationships
Obviously I can get over these prejudices. Otherwise I’d have no friends. In fact I’ve dated someone from each of these groups except #1 and #6. I refuse to date anyone from group #6 and I aspire to date someone from group #1 so that I don’t have to work anymore. I mean, work, period.
How am I going to wrap all these ramblings together? I hate holidays, I hate people, and I hate physical exertion. You know what has allowed me to avoid all of those things for the past week? A car. Also, because of the CD player in the car, I’ve learned all the words to that opposites song by Katy Perry.