I was listening to this song while I wrote this, so I’d like you to listen to it as you read this entry. It is the soundtrack to this piece of writing.
You listening to it yet? I’ll wait.
There you go.
I got $61 as a tax refund this year. Less than 10% of my refund from the previous year. I guess that’s what happens when you spend most of the year unemployed. But that $61 will go a long way. That’s nearly two months of groceries. So I’m still excited. That being said, I almost gave up when my first attempt at doing my taxes was rejected by the IRS. Luckily the problem only took 10 minutes to fix. If it had breached the quarter hour mark, I might have said: “Fuck it.”
I write this blog entry while sitting crosslegged on my rolly chair on my slanted, hardwood floor. I sit crosslegged because I have no reason to put pants on today, but it is still too cold to be bare legged, so I instead cover my legs with other parts of my legs. Because I am sitting crosslegged though, I have no feet on the floor which means that my chair slowly rolls backwards so that every five minutes I have to pull myself back towards my desk. This yanking on the desk usually results in the cord on the back of my laptop being minorly dislodged which, in turn, results in me spending a healthy five minutes screwing with the back of my notebook computer trying to get power to my laptop. This whole experience is accented by the beautiful aroma of my dirty clothes, which sit in my over-sized laundry hamper that sits underneath my desk – right under my nose – for the 10-12 hours I spend on the computer daily.
This summer I’m going back to Maine, and this fall I head out to NYC. I’m gonna be rollin bank when I get done with Maine as I have two jobs already lined up (both pay more than the piece of a job I have now), then I’ll head out and live a decent life in NY. I’ve stopped looking for employment here as I’ve realized it futile as my time here will be done soon. But that also means that I have nothing here for me except the prospect of laziness. I enjoy laziness, so I’ll stay here. I hope that after my summer of bling-blinging it with consistent paychecks that my life will not change. I hope that money will not change me and I will still spend decahours at a time staring at a computer screen surrounded by dirty clothes and dirty dishes in my dirty body even when I’m rich and famous.
I guess the moral of the story is best described through another story that for me serves as a metaphor for my attitude right now. Somebody recently asked me why I had shaved only half of my face. I responded by kidding on the square – saying that it involved half as much work as shaving fully. They then retorted that it was twice as much work as not shaving at all. This is mathematically inaccurate. If x represents the amount of effort I’m using and 1 reprents fully shaving whereas 0 represents not shaving at all then the equation for shaving half vs. shaving full is: 1/2 = x*1, meaning that x = 1/2 – meaning that half beard is half of the effort of a full beard. 1/2=x*0 is the equation for relating the half-shave to the non-shave. This equation is impossible – x can be infinitely large – meaning half beard is infinitely more work than full beard. This is how I see my life. I may be putting in less effort than most, but I’m still putting in infinitely more effort than none. I still can strive to do less, and that makes me happy.