I saw a book today at CVS called “Living Successfully with Screwed up People.” I feel conflicted because I do think that the humans surrounding me are massively fucked up, but I’m not sure I want to live successfully. If I were to live in this world where people find jogging enjoyable, According to Jim stays on the air, and Katy Perry is heralded as a beacon of homosexual rights without feeling disgust toward others I think that disgust would be forced inwards. That implosion tending towards suicide seems way less enjoyable than my explosive rants of disapproval for the world around me.
Recently I was reminded of one of my favorite Dorothy Parker poems:
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
While I relate/am turned on by her lazy attitude towards taking her life, I have a slightly more optimistic take on life.
I don’t think it’s just my inability to think creatively that hinders my suicidal impulses, I also like to believe that I enjoy that feeling of worthlessness – that were I to stop living I would miss my hatred. I owe my life to that which I hate, so, thank you people who are unfunny, motivated, nice, tactful, comfortable, boring, and in love – you are what keeps me believing that life is worth being disgusted with.