Matthew and I traveled down to Boston yesterday. It’s about a five hour journey, so we thought we’d stop and get some food on the way. Where do you get food when you are traveling down an interstate? McDonalds. It’s the only place acceptable.
I have had The Don’s food multiple times in the past couple of years, though definitely not more than once a month. The thing I realized yesterday is that Micky has not graced my mouth with her presence before midnight since I was in 8th grade coming back from a soccer game in Bucksport and I, as the only vegetarian on the team, had to order a hamburger without the patty and fries. This means that I have never had to function after a trip to the golden arches – I have been able to let the processed chicken meat gently rest in my stomach forcing me into a deep food coma on the couch. After my Ranch BLT, chocolate milkshake, fries, and McChicken* that had some sort of vien/tendon/rat foot in it, I headed on to attempt to complete the rest of my day. As it was still only 1:30, the rest of my day still supposedly included another meal.
Around 6pm Matthew suggested that we go grocery shopping for dinner. I suggested we vomit. 6:30 Matthew suggested walking, I suggested assisted suicide. I wasn’t able to eat the rest of the night until a 1am Klondike Bar, but really you can’t not eat a Klondike Bar so that doesn’t count. I’m hoping I can muster up the energy/will-power to eat breakfast at some point this morning if only because I want to make sure that the last thing I ate besides a Klondike Bar wasn’t the hard chunk in the middle of my McChicken.
The reason my body is so unable to enjoy this golden intake is because I grew up in a health food store. Every day I would walk to my parents’ store and try to convince them to let me buy a bag of kettle chips AND a fruit juice spritzer, but usually they thought that was too much sugar. I’m not saying I’m mad at my parents for not preparing me for the burgers of the world, but I am. Why didn’t you shove a Big Mac and a couple Whitecastle sliders down my throat right before a track meet. Maybe I would have lost that 800 meter race, and maybe I would have lost a couple of internal organs from hcore vomiting around lap 2, but I would have learned a very valuable lesson: Choose to eat fast food OR do things, both is not an option.
I think I’ll go get my Micky Double Ds for breakfast. It sounds easier than walking around Boston and visiting the science museum.
* Calories Total: 1810, Fat: 73g (112%), Sat Fat: 20.5 (102.5%), Cholesterol: 100mg (33%), Sodium: 3000mg (125%), Carbs: 238g (79.3%), Fiber: 15g (60%), Sugar: 84g, Protein: 65g (130%)