I sit here on my toilet while I type up a new blog entry. Why have I decided to combine these activities? Efficiency. That, and I like the character strings that occur when my fingers clench to provide the equal and opposite reaction to my bowels pushing out a poopy.

I also am looking at Michael Ian Black’s twitter page even though I don’t have a twitter account myself. Why don’t I just sign up so that I can get fed these engrossing two sentence joke/ideas without having to search? I don’t have time to set up an account. That, and if I kept up with MIB everyday than this couldn’t be a more than 1 minute activity, whereas now I can spend nearly ten minutes reading through backlogs of thoughts like: “I really feel like somebody else needs to die for my sins. Just to be safe.”

A lot of you are probably saying, “H2$, you do nothing with your life. You work 6 hrs a week and have no friends, how can you possibly be too busy for anything?” To you I say: “Why are you talking out loud? You realize that this is a blog, and does not provide the opportunity for audible call and response, right? You should probably make sure you are not in a public area because your outburst of harsh criticism of a Scandinavian gnome that lives in your computer might make you look like a crazy person.”

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I’m finished pooping.