Horny, Indignant, Selfish

Two Female Fantasies I Wrote on the LIRR

1.

I’ve always been sort of turned on by the idea of banging/dating a female basketball player. It’s not because I’m sexually fascinated by the concept of screwing someone taller – it is in no way related to a shallow sexual fantasy. Female basketball players are people who are socially competent (they have to be as basketball is a team sport that involves communication), but for some reason, typically height, were relegated to the unglamorous side of the social bubble. Cheerleaders are popular, soccer players are sexy, even the drama queen could be a man killer, but shooting free throws never got you to score. It’s not that I want to pummel my cock into a tight virgin pussy, quite the opposite, but the idea of someone who didn’t get laid when they wanted to is attractive to me for egotistical reasons, and basketball players are never the subject of heterosexual male fantasy even though they are not typically unattractive.

Secondly, I like the feel of athletic shorts and a girl in a basketball jersey is very attractive. No other uniform is quite this sexy. A softball uniform is the least flattering, skin-covering, dull colored outfit in the world, while the basketball jersey is like a n invitation with its ease of access of all parts, all just being below an elastic band. Unsurprisingly, I enjoy the idea of less physical work leading to more physical pleasure.

Lastly, the relationship fantasies that go along with basketball are fun for me. It’s one of the few sports that you can play one on one in. Golf, I suck at, and is very slow and quiet. Tennis, I’m also pretty bad at and all talking is separated by 50 feet and a net, it also tends to be competitive. Basketball is a sport I am halfway decent at, to the point that it would be somewhat competitive if I played basketball with a girl who stopped playing once they reached college or senior year of high school or something. The game can also be uncompetitive as it is easy to forget the score, and there is a lot of physical contact and trash talking. The romantic implications of rejecting her shot only to have her turn around a drain a three in my face as I taunt her about what I would like to do to her mother, to which I respond; “okay, but I do really want to meet your mother” are hornifying. So, if I could meet a girl in athletic shorts who has similar uncomfortable awkwardness about her height and what it made her do, and is willing to have a non-competitive game of trashtalking one-on-one, I think I’d propose.

Probably I’d just think of a reason why she would find me gross to sexually fantasize about.

2.

White girls are given archetypes to follow: Zooey Deschanel, Pam Beasley, Carrie Bradshaw, Tina Fey, Paris Hilton, and Eliot Reed are all white. Girls “relate” to these characters (and by relate, I mean force themselves to be like) because they are women and they define themselves through their womanhood. This is not unusual. We typically relate strongest to the group of people we are a part of that is ost oppressed because we all want to be victims. Barack Obama is half-black yet he identifies as African-American. I identify as Jewish all the time, even though I wasn’t even bar mitzvahed. Most of your friends have referred to themselves as whatever minority they can claim. So devoid of oppressed minorities to identify with, white women identify as women.

I want to be clear that I don’t think this practice of victimization through self-identification is an unhealthy practice. It allows us analyze our actions in order to justify our pitying of ourselves. I always think self-analysis is a positive.

White women copy the formulas for how to lead their lives that are based on male script writers’ sexual fantasies. Women who are of a different race, look to our representations of their race in our culture because it is a more obviously oppressed part of their being., and because non-white races are rarely represented in our media and when they are, they are done so through a strongly patriarchal lens, there are few minority women archetypes. Therefore non-white women are the closest to being unburdened with societal expectations forming their personality. That seems like the right person to be around – one who is who they are.

It’s a good thing black people are good at basketball.

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2 thoughts on “Two Female Fantasies I Wrote on the LIRR

  1. dan says:

    Dude,
    You’re assuming pop media is the only form of culture people take their identities from. Role models in your personally lived experience are far more influential than pop media images (of course those role models may themselves have been influenced but again by a variety of media not just pop media). Parents, siblings, friends, teachers, etc. are much greater influences on a person than pop culture. That’s why you’re a neurotic guy who identifies as a jew who’s always wanted to live in NYC and I’m a loud drunk wanna be intelectual who’s good with dogs and kids and calls himself Irish.

    And keep in mind – just because there are a limited number of role models of color on TV doesn’t mean there are a limited number of role models of color period, both good and bad.

    And no one “copys the formula for how to lead their lives,” everyone navigates the plethora of media coming at a guy (or girl). Script writers write scripts, not people. You’re giving your desired profession a little too much power here dude.

    And, come on dude, you’re not fooling anyone, you’d never date a basketball player. She’d be too tall.

    • h2money says:

      a) I was waiting for somebody to bring up the fact that I am giving tv/movie’s way more credit than any other art. You’re right, I am. https://whatitbebitches.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/pop-comedy/

      b) damn right, I just referenced myself. That’s how badass I am.

      c) point taken about the family. but also point taken about the family being influenced by media.

      d) “copies the formula” exaggeration dude. you should get that.

      e) Point guards aren’t that tall.

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