Death, Gender, My favorites, Selfish

Selflessish

There is an open mic night at my place of employment. Open mic nights are all the same. It is a string of super struggling stand up comics who make jokes about how performing for only 15 people is hard because even half of the audience laughing feels like a spattering of half hearted attempts at enjoyment, and then an even longer string of acoustic guitars accompanied by people complaining that their ex doesn’t like them any more.

Why are break ups so hard? I’ve been on both sides of rejection, and I’ve even cried after some of them, but one emotion I’ve never felt post break up is anger. Yet, all of these whiny psuedo-bearded suburban moved to urban in an attempt to be more cultured guitarists singing slightly higher than their range refuse to feel anything but anger at the woman who broke their heart. Breaking someone’s heart is purely the person whose heart is broken’s fault. They are the ones that got unnecessarily invested. They are the ones that decided they were going to make the wholeness of their heart dependent on someone else’s actions. They are the ones that are stupid.

I am not trying to give another rant against relationships. I think relationships are great, but relationships are made up of two (or more-mon [I’ll try to think of a funnier pun by the time I finish, but I promise nothing]) individuals. Those individuals are the only ones that can fully understand their own heart, soul, or whatever vague term that attempts to relate your societally influenced psychological disorders to biology.

People don’t want to be self-aware because people don’t like making decisions. If you are fully self-realized, you must know what’s best for you and therefore you will be able to make decisions that make you happier, but if you need another person to make you whole then you are able to rely on them to also make your decisions. Fuck you you indecisive fuck.

Fuck you for demanding someone else’s time, energy, and thoughts for your own happiness. Fuck you for not realizing that you can make all these decisions yourself. You are a human with the ability to self-analyze and therefore the ability to be self-aware and therefore the ability to make decisions for your self. So, stop singing about how the fact that she decided you were too clingy is her just not understanding your love. Your love is pathetic if it dependent on being dependent.

I don’t claim to understand love, but I do claim to understand what it is not. It is not the fact that you spent 6 months with someone and therefore decided you didn’t want to spend another 6 months without that person because you are too scared of change. Get over your phobia and realize that the girl telling you that you were not good enough sexually, you were too jealous, or just plain deciding she wants a different cock to penetrate her is more than fine, it is an opportunity to find someone new to make a fool of yourself in front of.

You are not being selfless by giving your love to someone else. You are being selfish because you are demanding that they make half your decisions and they live half your life. We have such little time in this world, take control of 100% of it.

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