You Wouldn’t Expect It

I’ve watched every episode of Lost and therefore feel an obligation to comment on the shitfest that was the last episode. I have not looked at any other reviews, and just finished it on Hulu today. It was exactly what I expected: a lot of montage to cover up for the fact that nothing was really concluding. The conclusion we get to come to is that JJ Abrams has a view of time much like every sci-fi writer ever in that he thinks it’s another variable and that parallel universes help show us that. And that relationships are .. um.. important, I guess, how come Walt and Michael weren’t allowed into the church/mosque/temple/unitarian utopia? JJ Abrams doesn’t care about black people. Neither was Ana Lucia – just sayin. Love, I guess triggers a lot of emotions..? God that episode bored the shit out of my pants.

Here’s the point: People don’t expect me to be a Lost fan. I’m not really. I just like wasting my time, and Lost provides that opportunity (I’ve also watched every episode of Cougar Town). People still wouldn’t have expected me to have watched all of Lost and care about the series finale enough to have an opinion. So I will now present my views on things that people wouldn’t expect me to have views on.

This upcoming NBA summer: HELL FUCKIN’ YEAH!!!! This summer is going to be amazing! I’m a huge Jason Kidd fan, so much so that I still like the Nets. I live in Brooklyn. I like Jay-Z. The Nets have the most salary cap space this summer. Will they be able to tear LeBron away from the Knicks? I’m starting to doubt it, especially now that the Nets have the settling pick of the draft and will have to draft a PF that will be very decent. I would still love the lineup if they could coerce LeBron to my city. If they do, D-Har will average a double double, and C-Lee will have three 3pters a game. They’ll be in the playoffs with the biggest turnaround in sports history. The other cool option, which is far less likely is that the Heat are able to grab Bron-Bron and convince Wade to stick around. That might be annoying. Better move for them is Bosh or Amare. I tend to think Amare fits better into their system, and I like the idea of Wade and Amare on the same team. So where do Bosh, J.Johnson, Nowitzki (who most think will stay), Ming and the rest of the troupe end up? And will Wade stick around?

I will not offer what I think will happen, or what I want to happen as a fan of any team, but rather what I want to happen as a fan of basketball. Let’s start with the Wizards. They will be taking John Wall, which will mean that they will have Arenas and Wall in the backcourt and Blatche, McGee, and Singleton, who all looked great at the end of the season, rebounding the ball. They still need something. They have money. Take Rudy Gay. He’s good, the Wizards will be good, but they won’t be outstanding. Perfect. John Wall can try to be the next Chris Paul – it’ll be fun to watch him try. I want LeBron in Brooklyn, though it seems less and less likely. Fuck it. I want to will it. Then I want Chicago to take Wade, which leaves Amare for the Heat and let them get Joe Johnson too. Then Knicks still have to get people. I want them to take Nowitzki so they can ruin his career, or they could grab Ming, he’s boring too. Then they’ll have enough for a Raymond Felton and a Randy Foye, which is perfect, cus I don’t really like either of them, but it’ll be a good fit. They could also overpay for Josh Howard, which would work well in their plan to overpay for everybody. Bosh is still open. As much as I’d love for him to go to the Thunder, my new favorite team, he’s out of their price range. So, send him to Chicago to play with Noah. That’d be fun. So, what do the Thunder do? I want them to take K-Mart and Jermaine O’Neal. Seems weird, but here’s the thing. You can offer them both short contracts and then the Thunder would be able to rebound all of the shots that Westbrook misses, plus Jeff Green could become a 6th man, which is what he should be, and with the defensive abilities of their frontcourt they could shove Thabls;fkdf; Selafokdnvoaidlkf back into their bench and put Harden in their starting 5. He would just sit out at the 3 pt line and nail down threes when Westbrook drove in and dished it out. Perfect! The Clippers and T-Wolves have big money to spend too, as do the Rockets and Kings sorta. The T-Wolves could draft Cousins and trade away Al Jeff for someone awesome. Not sure who, but someone. How about the Rockets get Boozer, and the Clippers get JJ Barea for when B.Davis gets injured. The Clippers will still have massive money to spend after that, so Richard Jefferson – he’s still got it. The Kings can get David Lee, and then the T-Wolves have to sign some mediocre players. I like Anthony Morrow for the Wolves, and Ty Thomas. Leftover these are the people I care about JJ Redick, Haslem, Bill Walker, Ronnie Brewer, Raja, Nate Rob, Redd, Alston, Telfair, Grant Hill, Gooden, Frye, and B.Haywood. I want Telfair and Nate Rob to have starting jobs. I want Frye to go to a 3pt shooting team, probably just stay. Redd should get another chance maybe with Chitown if they still have money, and Grant Hill has looked good so leave him in Phoenix. Haywood or Haslem should go to the Hawks if it’s possible, maybe they can grab Raja or someone to replace JJ too.

This has been tiring. I don’t talk about this stuff that I like so much because it doesn’t fit into how I write – how I perform. People expect me to like the things I talk about, but I only talk about those things because they make sense. It’s a vicious cycle, but at least you won’t have to hear me talking about Lost or the NBA anymore.


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