My Morning Routine

You know what it feels like when you grab that quart of pear juice you’ve been keeping at the head of your bed for the past four days in case you need liquid but don’t want to make the lengthy excursion to the fridge and take a swig just so that you can get down your multivitamin that is the size of UFO prop in a 4th graders diorama and only a few seconds later when you get a shiver up your spine and out your tongue do you realize that that pear juice is far past fermented? You know that feeling? No. Just me. That sucks because it’s a weird feeling. Try it out. I’m going to quote a sketch a friend wrote in college where a character was talking about Jesus Christ Superstar because I think the quote exemplifies how I feel about that situation. “It makes you really question life, and god, and the seventies and shit.”

I probably misquoted the sketch. That’s probably appropriate. I’m too lazy to find the symbolism.


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