In middle school I loved Subway. It was the only chain restaurant that I was allowed to go to and I enjoyed the fuck out of it so much that it was incapable of an erection – it could no longer fuck, it makes sense, shut up. Subway was so good because it offered the opportunity to put whatever vegetables I wanted into the most amazing invention using sliced bread.

When I was in 7th grade they did away with the triangle cut. The triangle cut was the way Subway operated. They cut a triangle out of the bread, put all the ingredients in the new hole and then put the bread back on top for you to eat or discard or eat and discard. They moved to a method where they boringly sliced through the middle.

This is when I first realized that I hated capitalism.

It didn’t matter how many sauces they added to their menu – how many condiments I got to choose from, it mattered that they had resorted to a much worse method of sandwich making because it was cheaper, it was easier, and it was cheaper. Cheap. Fuck cheap. I would pay an extra dollar for a triangle cut. I want a good sandwich, but this wasn’t about what I wanted. This was about what they wanted – the ungrateful, stupid public. Fuck the public. If you like the way you make a sandwich, make it that way.

I had Subway yesterday and I liked it, but it would have been better with a triangle cut. I try to not eat as subway as often as possible, I used to try to eat at subway as often as possible.