Horny, Indignant, My favorites

Why being meta seems like a lot of work

I almost wrote this entry about how bad I want to sex someone up. Almost. I was planning on elaborating on a kidding on the square statement I have made to a few friends. That statement is: “I want to fuck someone before I leave Minnesota.” Nothing that brilliant.

It’s not a lie. I have the desire to be intimate, dirty, and ashamed with someone of the opposite sex. Also, I think that I could detail my reasoning with interesting symbolism about my upbringing, my interest in my own mortality, and the transitionary point in life I see myself at. I was going to write this, but I was reminded of a friend. I will refer to this friend as “The Deejay” because I like leaving clues. This friend wrote a humorous article in our college newspaper each week. One week he decided to detail his failure with women as well as liken himself to an unfamous Zach Braff – the same overcompensation for a childhood of being too small by allowing scraggly facial hair to “mature” their face, and the same self-deprecation and comfort with one’s own femininity to hide a fear of being judged by those more masculine. (I think you can see why I’m friends with this person) His question to his reader was: Why do people find Braff cute and endearing while they only find The Deejay creepy.

His article received backlash from multiple angles. Some referred to it as sexist for its portrayal of women as too dumb to see the real The Deejay and its portrayal of women as animals blinded by fame and fortune. At the same time, he received propositions from multiple similarly desperate females who took his rant of self-deprecation as an invitation. An invitation that couldn’t be refused because of his assertion that The Deejay was too desperate to turn down a sexual invite.

People had a hard time understanding that when writing this humorous article, The Deejay was playing a character. Sure, that character shared many traits with The Deejay himself, but it was still a character.

If I were to write my own diatribe of sexual-self-defacement, I would not worry about being accused of sexism because I was going to accuse no women of wronging me nor of thwarting my efforts to fuck them. The character I was to write through the eyes of was to plead and beg instead. This is a simple character trait difference between the persona The Deejay created/embodied and the one I was going to. On the other hand, I was scared of the backlash of similarly desperate women looking to get their rocks off. It reminds me of the Groucho Marx quote, specifically how it was used in Annie Hall – “I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.” Or, in my case, if you need me to spell it out for you – “I’m not desperate enough to screw someone as desperate as me.”

I’m sure my fear of being found sexually attractive by people I do not feel sexually attracted to is unwarranted, as the measly 40 hits a day that my blog receives is approximately one fiftieth the circulation of our school newspaper, and most everybody who reads this knows me, and therefore would not want to fuck me. But, my fear has maintained, and it maintained because of yet another friend who used to write for the newspaper.

This friend will be referred to as The 1 because I like my clues to use homonyms.

The 1 and I don’t necessarily see eye to eye on every issue. That being said, we don’t find it too difficult to make eye contact. In the grander scheme of the world we would be relatively close on most issues, but we still find minor differences to argue about. One of the issues that we argue about is the new definition of masculinity. We both agree that it is changing, and that with the rise of Judd Apatow and Jim from The Office, the quirky, sweet dude who is a little more in touch with his feminine side yet still blatantly heterosexual is quickly becoming the heterosexual female’s object of desire. We disagree in what this means for our world. He believes that this re-enforces heterosexual norms and just serves to create new gender norms, and therefore we must not support these forms of art. I believe this is a necessary evolutionary step, and while this should not be the end of our changing process – by no means should we settle for this, we will only be able to achieve complete equality by utilizing these somewhat less masculine definitions of heterosexuality. We must recognize these characters and then recognize their faults.

The character that I was planning on writing through, and the character that The Deejay wrote through are both characters who could serve as definitions of this new-age masculinity as defined by The 1. This new-age masculinity is very hot right now. And that’s a problem. I want to write as that character, but I don’t want to come off as attractive. I agree with The 1 – we need to get over our fascination with Seth Rogan, Jim Halpert, and Zach Braff. This is not because I don’t like watching these characters – I love watching these characters – but we need to stop seeing them as heroes. That they are not. They are flawed humans who will soon be seen as The 1 sees them – hetronormative symbols of patriarchy.

I want to have the freedom to write as a hetronormative symbol of patriarchy without people thinking that was cute. It’s not.


3 thoughts on “Why being meta seems like a lot of work

  1. byproductive says:

    I think your grouping of Jim, Zach, and Seth is a sexist, racist, and orientationist move. All straight, white males are not the same, and not all are oppressive.

    Jim doesn’t oppress anyone. He’s occasionally oppressed by Miss Kapoor. Ironic. Seth doesn’t oppress, either, even though for most of his career, he himself was oppressed, on account of his heft. Zach Braff oppresses me with his loud and lousy movies and TV shows. So off with his patriarchitypal head.

    In conclusion, I’m happy that I got the Deejay and The 1 references.

    • h2money says:

      Jim oppresses himself because he stays in a dead end life pretending he’s enjoying himself. Our society oppresses itself by finding that cute and endearing.
      Seth was oppressed early in his career? Dude dropped out of high school and became a successful comedian/actor at age 17. Dude is only 27 now. What part of his career was he oppressed, by all reasonable standards he shouldn’t even have started his career yet. So he oppresses people like me who are not as successful as him by making me look bad.
      Zach Braff was early John Krasinski (Jim Halpert). If you were 5 years younger you would hate John Krasinski and say he makes a bunch of shit movies and TV shows that go from innovative to stupid.

  2. byproductive says:

    No one is actually being oppressed in any of this, is my point.

    And the main thing that bothers me about Krasinski’s movie is that I’m so obviously in its marketing crosshairs. I guess as you grow up, they expect you to get money and buy things that look like you. Not like when we were kids.

    Sic transit gloria adulescenti.

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