I took half of the shit that I wanted to take earlier today. I wish I could stay in my apartment waiting for the other half to fall out, but my internet isn’t installed yet and I can’t waste my day playing MarioKart 64. I can only waste my day playing internet flash games.

I have to buy things for the new apartment. I have to get some chores done. I have to do my laundry. All I can think about is how I have to poop. I want to poop. I’m not going to get to poop. I waited an uncomfortably long time on the toilet hoping that that last bit would squeak out, but it didn’t and now I’m afraid it’s gonna come screaming out of me in the middle of one of these chores.

So, I won’t do my chores.

I will simply wait around all day until I have my poop fall out. People get maternity leave, I’m taking a poop-vacation.